LotR & Star Wars: The Easy Bake Oven Choronicals
by Rajata Sashi
Summary: It's up to Obi-Wan and Strider to save the easy bake ovens! Will they succeed? (Er...I didn't know where to put this, so it ended up here...but, it has LotR, so what does it matter? But, beware...it's very...odd...)


Lord of the Rings & Star Wars:   
  
The Easy-Bake Oven Choronicals  
  
Book One  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or Star Wars. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this story, now would I? It would be in the theatres, and you people would all waste your precious money to see it! Then you would tell everyone *in high pitched voice* 'Oooo, go see Leeandra's wonderful movie, LOTR & SW: The Easy-Bake Oven Choronicals! It's fascinatingly funny. Whoopi!' AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Anyway, here's the story.^_^'  
  
A.N.- The first few paragraphs are from Strider's point of view. There'll be a * from where it begins and ends.  
  
It's the scene where Aragorn-er-Strider is fighting that Lurtz dude. Lurtz is moving fast. Strider can barely keep up. The only thing keeping him going is his determination to keep the most prized thing in his meaningless life safe: his Easy-Bake oven. *It was given to me by two crazy fangirls named Mary and Leeandra. Wow, were they creepy or what, drooling over me like that. Anyway, I had learned of its wonderful power. It made the best cakes and cookies in the world. I would forever praise its glory.  
  
But, my precious was being stolen from me. Sour-one, that freak in black armour, wanted to destroy all the Easy-Bake ovens in the world! The nerve of that loser! What was his problem, anyway? Was there dirt in his head along with it being all over his body? Or was it ashes? Ah well, same difference. Anyway, didn't he have better things to do than steel the oven kind!?! I mean come on! How cheap and un-original is that! *cough cough* Excuse me, back to the main point.  
  
I am so gonna' kill him! He will regret the moment he layed eyes upon my precious oven! He will DDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! It's a good thing Gandy, er, Gandalf taught me those magic tricks. But somehow, I don't think cards will do much...Ah, I guess I'll make it work. Somehow...Um, anyway...First, I'll grind this guy's head into the ground, then, I'll find that old fart with the beard, and finally, I SHALL DESTROY SOURON! Nobody touches my oven except me and my little doggie woggie, Fluffy. If Fluffy was here, she'd rip out this guy's guts in an instant. Which reminds me, I still have bread in the oven. I wonder if it's still edible. Last time it wasn't. I remember that blackness. It reminds me of Souron...Hey! Wait one friggin' minute! First, he wants my oven, then he makes me pay his rent at 'The Evil Guy's Inn', makes me sign a contract for him to steal Leeandra's movie, and then he curses my bread! That @#%@$# freak! Grrrrrrrrr! He will PAY!!!*  
  
As Strider's thoughts still dwell upon his burnt bread and Souron, Lurtz(the big orc guy) takes out his cell phone. He calls a familiar Sith Lord on speed dial.  
  
**********************  
  
Darth Maul is seen fighting two of the universe's most beloved and most franchised Jedi, Qui-Gon Jim-um, Jinn and Obi-Ewan McNobi(can I get fries with that?)-um, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Suddenly, Darth Maul's cell phone rings. He holds up a hand and stops the Jedi. They stare, a mix of surprise and confusion on their faces. Maul answers it.  
  
"Hello?" A few words were heard over from the other end as Maul turns to Qui and Obi.  
  
"Sorry, dudes. I have to take this." He turns away again. Qui-Gon looks to Obi-Wan.  
  
"That's why you don't have a cell phone, Padawan. It destroys your brain."  
  
"What do you mean, 'come help you destroy the ovens?' I'm kinda busy right now, Bob." Loud yelling is heard from the other end. Maul winced.  
  
"Whatever, sorry, Lurtz," Maul replies as he rolls his creepy red eyes. "I still can't come." More yelling is heard.  
  
"Fine! I'll come! It just better not take too long. Now, I always wanted to say this: Beam me up, Scotty! Fine, Lurtz!" Maul turns to the Jedi as he hangs up his phone and puts it in his pocket.  
  
"Sorry, guys. I'll have to fight with you some other time. I have to help my neighbor steal the all of world's Easy-Bake ovens. Bye." Obi-Wan jerked his head up.  
  
"What!?!"   
  
"I said, I'll fight with you later. Me and my neighbor are going to kill all the Easy-Bake ovens. Why?" Obi's anger grew.   
  
"Let me get this straight, you're going to kill all the Easy-Bake ovens in the world? Every single existing one?" Maul nodded.  
  
"Yeah, kid, that's what I said. Do I have to repeat myself? Again? I was going to say 'in the universe,' but that seemed so lame. We'll probably do that to, though."   
  
Obi-Wan seethed with anger. They were planning on killing his oven. His precious. That was worse that his master stealing his computer to look at that stupid e-bay website. Much worse. He would kill Maul. Kill. Actually, that reminded him of a movie he saw recently. Was it 'The Matrix?' He couldn't remember. It was something like it. 'The Matrix' was a good movie, though, one of his favourites. He especially liked the slow-mo parts. It was awesome when Neo or Nero or whatever dodged those bullets! That was the best! The Morphius guy was cool. The love underlying love part was kind of stupid and sappy. Otherwise, it was an awesome movie. He couldn't wait until the second movie came out. 5/15/03. He was counting down the minutes. He was intrupted when he saw a beam-like thing come down from the ceiling. Maul walked toward it.   
  
"See you, dudes!" He waved and gave a little peace sign before entering the beam. Obi-Wan felt his anger return and rushed at Maul. Obi tackled Maul to the ground. He heard Qui-Gon sigh and run to him. Qui tripped over Maul and Obi. The three all got beamed up.  
  
**********************  
  
Obi-Wan, Darth Maul, and Qui-Gon fell to the hard ground. Qui-Gon stood and helped Obi-Wan up. He glared at his Padawan.  
  
"How many times have I told you, never, EVER go running into beams of light coming down from the ceiling!!! It could get us lost!" He gave Obi-Wan a whack on the head and looked around. Seeing Strider, he started walking toward him. Obi-Wan blew a rasberry at Qui and made a funny face at him. Qui quickly turned around and glared at Obi. He looked as innocent as could be. Still glaring, Qui turned around to talk to Strider.  
  
"One of these days, I'll catch that little..." the rest of Qui's complaint was inaudible. Rolling his eyes, Obi followed.  
  
*Maybe I should fry him. Yeah, that's it! I'll throw him back into that tall rock with fire in it! That would teach that pig-headed, fire-eating, fat, ugly, big black ball of bread-hating, mouldy freak!* Strider's thoughts were interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. He looked up. Qui was standing in front of him. Strider jumped.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I was just making plans to obliterate a stupid oven-hater."   
  
"They want to kill your oven, too?!" Strider nodded to Obi.   
  
"Yep. They mess with the oven, they mess with me and Fluffy!" Obi-Wan cocked his head to the side.  
  
"You have a dog that bakes with you, too! That so cool! My dog's name is Buttons."   
  
"Cool! Finally, someone with my brain! Shall we destroy the enemy?" Obi nodded eagerly.   
  
"Yeah! No one touches my Easy-Bake oven!" Strider and Obi-Wan high-fived. Meanwhile, Maul was still on the ground. Bob, I mean Lurtz, came over and rolled him over with his foot. Maul sat up and spit out dirt.   
  
"Stupid Jedi," he muttered.   
  
"Come on, Larry, uh, Maul! We have to kill these weirdos and take over the Easy-Bake oven world!" Sighing, Maul stood and ignited his lightsaber. His nieghbor always had strange ideas, but this one stole the cake from the Easy-Bake oven.  
  
"Whatever." He turned to where Strider and co were but found Strider and Obi-Wan charging at him and Lurtz. They attacked with a lot of power. In short, Maul ended up eating more dirt and Lurtz seeing little Ring-Wraiths fly around his head. Obi and Strider high-fived again and did a little happy dance. Their ovens were saved! Yipee! Now all they had to do was stop the old guy and the burnt dude in a garbage can suit. But alas, I'm too lazy to wright much more so I'll just tell you what happened: Obi-Wan and Strider killed the old dude and Sour-one.  
  
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The End  
  
Okay, there's a sequel. Be prepared for more insanity!!! *Evil laughter is heard.* 


End file.
